between the father and the son

by annette diamantopoulos

'it’s hard. it hurts. it’s resistant. i sink. i swallow water. and, sometimes it feels like i am drowning. but, i can deal with that. i know i can swim. i remember who i really am.' ~ walking on water

when i was five my dad taught me how to swim. here's the thing of it: he came from the mountains of greece and didn't know how to swim ... at least, not with skill and clarity!

now i wasn't aware of this information as i entered the cold agean that hot august day in 1970, after all, my dad was the source of all my strength, but i sure remember how that water woke me up - how it puckered my skin. and i recall how my father distracted me from the welling hesitation as he backed away, leading me deeper into the sea - how my little legs (now, unable to stand) scrambled for ground ... how my hands frantically flailed up and out of the water just to fall short and push against it again - trying so desperately to land safely ...to touch the shore called father.

the more i struggled, the more he moved!

as you canimagine, i was filled with anxiety. and, as i gulped yet another mouthful of salt water, i heard the words, "you're not going to make it!" i looked around and saw no one but it sure did sound real. still, through the splashing and thrashing, my attention was drawn to a deeperSource- that of my fatherwho was now championing my strokes into his arms like a plane onto a landing strip ..."you can do it!"

and so i did!

i let go of the idea of not making it - of all i thought i was - and pushed through the fearful voice to reachHim; it was a swift, simultaneous thrust that brought much warm illumination into my chilled young heart:

i trusted something that i did not yet know - something i could not see with my eyes - and it carried me. i was holy.

this memory was a profound treasure lost until i read this verse ina course in miracles - "i loose the world from all i thought i was" - which re-awakened this image of challenge and champion assomeresponse tosomecurrent fear and anxiety about the success ofsomenew destination rising in my work.

it was a tender reminder to trust myself- to have faith! ... and if i failed, which was completely possible and understandable, i would be caught by the intention of this heart and held by the attention of this mind; there was a reliable forcebeyondthe voice of doubt -beforethe thought ... a giving presence that loved and supported me.

this i could trust: 'what' i believed in fear, was exactly 'what' kept me from truth.


how do we trust?


how many of us feel stuck in the middle - believe that we have no one to trust? how many feel alone - lonely ... like we're going nowhere -- treading water?

well, this just isn't so!

though we may not have these sweet memories to bring us home, we don't need them or some figure to show usthe way; when we turn toward Self, we find a place that we trust - a place imagined in the heart ...faith. this is the action of trusting the 'Father' and accessing theson.

but here's the gig: we can't vest in blind faith, nor in the thoughts and beliefs created in fear that separate us from this Holy Trinity; they are unworthy of our trust. so, thenhow do we trust? ...what do we give to receive such a gift?

we captain our ships - support our homes, be present with our words, honor the intention of our agreements. we account for our strokes! ... this is 'what' brings the arm forward,pulses the foot! this is 'what' we can trust and 'how' faith is cultivated.

so,my brothers and my sisters, do not fear!the next time you find yourself flying through the air or swimming through the ocean of your being, trust that you will be caught ...that you will land - that you will reachthe shore called Father.


need some trust?i'm here to catch you! learn the strokes of mindfulness and access a deeper knowing ofwho you really really areNOW!