Wishes of Perception and the Forces of Love.

When I was a young girl I was aware of the thoughts of others - I couldn't "read" them per se, but I could feel the vibration of their intentions (and I had no idea of the relationship of those thoughts to me or how to use the information). Sometimes I kept this to myself, but others I was called to tell my parents, "I don't like them - they’re bad," I’d say.

My parents weren't tuned into the same frequency, so they often overlooked my findings, even tried to force me to “be nice” and hug those people out of politeness, which always left me confused, lost, and unsure of “what or who” to Be True “to”.

Honestly, this idea of being “nice” and pleasing the outside world without awareness is a real drag - a social obligation that leads us far away from any sense of happiness and wellbeing. And, it was getting in the way of being “kind” to myself - being attentive to vibrations calling me home and trusting my gut. That’s when my own force would explode, “I hate them! “, making certain that I was heard by all parties!

You sure don't have to "like" everyone that comes along, that’s for sure!

"Like" and "don't like" in our gut are vitally important relational building blocks that keep us safe and support our values - they must be headed. But, “hate” is always misplaced, never serves anyone or any intention of love when misappropriated.

Hate is a force you can’t own!

It’s an atomic plume of fear with fences and defenses that keeps us in the dark and suffocates (suffers) a vision of a better world.

Which brings me to a powerful meditation of Loving-Kindness that tested this understanding. It was led by non-dual teacher, Rupert Spira who directed us to bring to mind the image of someone we cared for, liked, or loved - a friend, a teacher or even a pet - to be fully engaged, seeing them smile, even laughing.

We began to breathe in and share our intentions:

· May they be happy. And I saw his face light up in happiness.

· May they be healthy. And I saw his body fill with vitality.

· May they be at peace. And I saw an aura of stillness hold him.

· May they be awakened and relieved of all suffering, and his whole being relaxed, and light emanated from him.

Easy peasy to give when you like, love or admire someone!

Then, we were directed to imagine the person whom we blessed blessing us! Wo! I picked Ram Dass - that played games with my head - like, am I even worthy of being blessed by Ram Dass?!

Why is it so hard to receive what we give?!

I took a breath - remembered his movements and diction from the hundreds of hours of recordings I’d devoured - relaxed and imagined being the recipient of such love:

• Annette, may you be happy. (Pause, received - What’s happening?)

• Annette, may you be healthy (Pause, received - There’s a lump in my throat!)

• Annette, may you be at peace (Pause, received - Oh no! Jeez!!).

• Annette, may you be awakened and relieved of all suffering. (Pause, received - Shit! Shit! Shit!).

I was balling! … tears streaming down my face as the healing light of a teacher not living was, indeed, alive in me, snots and all!

“Now,” Rupert continued, “imagine someone you don’t like” (careful not to bring in someone that triggers fear or harm or might feel unsafe during meditation).

Really?! That’s quite a leap!

Well, Trump was a big deal at the time - not necessarily someone on my personal “radar of hate”, however, since his office coincided with my mom’s decline and death (the attack on the capital happened on the day of her funeral) by association, I held him accountable and so, I definitely didn’t like him!

I took a breath and right away, a bitter image of indifference came to my mind and my jaw clenched - I “tried” to “pray for him” wink! wink! - but no matter how “hard” I “tried”, I just couldn't force it - I just don’t like him and nothing’s gonna’ make me!

I backed off, took a few deep breaths, brought my non-dominant hand and my attention to my heart, and, in the space of letting go - in "trying" to change anything - something shifted.

Quite suddenly, he appeared as a boy of six or so. I knew it was him by the color of his hair and the shape of his mouth which was smiling hopefully as he walked toward “me” as a young girl; I was sitting at the edge of the Hudson at Garrison watching hawks.

As he approached, I smiled and extended my hand and he took it, and we sat together in silence on a large flat rock, watching the river flow and leaning over to see the train to Cold Spring that we heard passing below the knoll.

And so without any effort at all, I began:

· May you be happy. And I watched as his young face filled with joy.

· May you be healthy. And I watched as his body relaxed and leaned in with curiosity.

· May you be at peace. And I watched as stillness anchored him lest he fall off the edge.

· May you be awakened and relieved of all suffering, and the light of love filled him as he turned toward me and came to meet my own.

It was a miracle!

To see with new eyes is, indeed, to possess the power to change bitterness and suffering into wine - not with the intention to “do” so, but in the intention to be relieved and restored to well-being; and, to speak from faith is to open new pathways of being heard - heading a deeper message …

If I could feel the vibrations of others, so can my own be felt!

When we come “home” to the heart, we find an Inner Child - a process of purification that returns us to the frequency and vibration of Love, God, Divine and Cosmic Isnesss whatever “way” that looks or feels for you. For this reason, this exercise is not intended to change another or to impose our power or judgment over others - not meant to deny any emotion or feeling or sense of free will, or for the purpose of clearing or disconnecting from the boundaries necessary to keep our physical bodies safe.

This practice is an opportunity to recognize that withholding love from others - withholding the basic wishes of joy, health, peace and clarity from another no matter the reason - is, in essence, withholding love from ourselves.