stepping out and walking on water

here, in my imagination, i believe. here in my mind i am aware. here in my heart i am faithful. here, with my feet on this earth, trusting, i am jesus.

i can walk on water.
 

during a recent discussion on emotional intelligence, our group was prompted to contemplate the definition of success through the lens of a competitive world - one of wishes meeting expectation and of the impossible but intriguing feat of walking on water.


what i've come to know too well is that expectations are of the mind: they are externally based and offer only two possibilities - success or failure. we either meet our expectation or we fall short. and, when we fail, failure appears as a dead end.


in relation, success is dynamic - both externally dependent and internally personal - innate; it's soulful and willful. internally, this soul is subject to the forces of stormy emotions - karma and samsara - and, as such, is subject to a constantly shifting experience and perception. externally, success appears as a risk.


but, a wish ... ah! a wish offers so much more!


it's mixed with "faith and trust and a little pixie dust" ... it's boundlessly internal. it's the magic of hopeful belief and the power of imagination.


these are the elements of self discovery - trust and faith and creativity -- the waking up and the growing up - of being in relationship with ourselves - of being responsible to the world and of being open to the miracle of life.


when i think of miracles, i think of my grandmother's esoteric stories - the hushed whisper of her voice and the shadows on her face.


and, also, i think of jesus.


for many years i pushed this spiritual odyssey away. i clung to some conviction, some final truth declared and arrived at by my mind and i closed my view. i was willfully ignorant.

from here, now, i see what an important story his life still is and how it is our story.

jesus was just a man - a human being like me and you - and, also, he was awake; he was conscious watching an unconscious world and this caused him great suffering.

in his short life of 33 years he journeyed through identity and soul, let go of his body and connected to (and ascended with) a limitless power - what he called his father ... god.

he performed much magic during his life - miraculous feats that pushed the boundaries of his mind, heart and body -- feats of great courage, skill and faith that continue to offer us a glimpse into the infinite possibility of of what can be when we come into communion with our whole self -- what can be when we trust something that cannot be defined by science or nature.
 

jesus was holy because he was whole.

the miracles he performed were not of this dualistic world, and therefore still not understandable through this mind and through this body. to do so requires a different vessel - a transcendental phora that can carry its meaning and relevance through the atmospheres of our being.


the stories of jesus is that phora and, in this very way, the miracle of jesus walking on water is a teaching that defies time and space.


when peter stepped out of the boat he risked it all. but, he was not afraid of walking on water and meeting jesus, he was afraid of the wind. this is what caused him to fall into the sea, and, when he did, he cried out to jesus to save him - to be saved by his wholeness.


and, this is what we do: we try something new - a job or a relationship.


we step out. we get wet. we fear. we sink.


we fear failure and we also fear success! we don't fear the choice to walk on water, we fear the wind of our doubt and the wind of our success. we fear what is outside.


so, we stay inside the boat, we forget the magic and we forget who we really are - we forget that:
 

when we can steady ourselves in prayer - when we can be still amidst the turbulent winds and doubt of the mind - the sea of emotion can be crossed and we can meet our life's purpose.

so, my brothers and my sisters, "do not be afraid." do not allow your fear to swallow you. step off the boat.

walk with me.

let's calm the wind and let the story of our emotions fall away. let's open to spirit and trust. trust deep.

let's rest.

we begin by resting in sabat - in citta - the heart to heart. we rest in the breath and we trust that the next breath will follow. we do not fall into the emotion of fear.

and, we trust: we trust that we are enough - that the ground will not fall out from under us and that we can move toward our intention with purpose and success. we trust that we can walk on water and we recognize the fear that will drown us.

this is growth.
 

it's hard. it hurts. it's resistant. i sink. i swallow water. and, sometimes it feels like i am drowning.

but, i can deal with that. i remember who i really am.

i am not afraid.

this is success.

this is what i know and this is what i trust.