snow storms and death

By Annette Diamantopoulos | March 14, 2017

there is a silence before the big snow comes ... a stillness in the air, a smell and a glow ... a foreshadowing of impending pause.

my father in law passed this morning, just shy of 83.  he had a massive stroke almost 3 weeks ago, and, after many decisions, much confusion - the rise of hope and the deep plunge into pain, he was finally released.  a short and circuitous ride along a long and full life.

he was many different things to many different people: a baker, father, friend ... a bridge between continents. he was not a perfect man and he made plenty of mistakes, but, by his side, in the wake of his death, that was unimportant. i was unimportant.  everything seemed unimportant.

removed from all judgment and from what it all meant, compassion and love was all that remained --  that was enough.

all that existed was his shallow breath, a faint heartbeat and an essence trapped in the vibrations, memories and adventures of someone just like you and me - someone wanting to be happy but suffering in some way just the same. familiar.

death can be complicated.  


we live in a culture that has fallen out of sync with the natural rhythm of life and death - a culture that fears it. we ignore it, push it to the side - acknowledge it for the sake of pragmatism, but we don't honor it.  

as a society, we hide from it in our busyness - in our productivity, obscured with possessions.

we hide from our age - we nip and tuck, inject, deny, deprive and beat ourselves to a pulp trying to stave it away.

we hide our elderly in nursing homes while we slay ourselves at work, dissolved in guilt or frayed in responsibility.

we hide our fear of the inevitability of our death in all sorts of ways, though, eventually, it catches up with us. and, when it does, it's so fuckin' uncomfortable.

but, it doesn't have to be that way, we can prepare for it.

we can ease into it - relax, unfold, lean forward. we can stop avoiding life - stop blaming everyone and everything for our state - forgive our selves and others and liberate ourselves from grudges into to the possibility of every moment - in every breath. 

we can open into experience and release ourselves into this complex, sad, beautiful, short lived life!


we can be in it and also fade back from it - everything and nothing at all.
 

in the silence before the snow comes, we know that in life we find the path and in death we return home.