My Enemy. My Love.
"When I cry you don't laugh cause you know me." ~Peter Frampton
There was a very painful time in my life as an adolescent when I was suffering and in a state of rage - when I would lash out at my mom and say, "I didn't ask to be born!" It always left her breathless - this angry part of my young soul pushing back who had yet to understand my relationship with these feelings and the world.
Now, as a mother, I recognize the weight of those words - their sharp incision and how, with each syllable, I was cutting away at what my mother believed was true about me - each time challenging her to see between the vowels and consonants of this name - this gender and this role within which I was born.
It's been a long haul since then - this forgetting and attending and returning has been quite a ride! That's why I'm always humbled, so very grateful when something outside myself (but also because of mySelf) lets me know I'm on the Right path - offers doorways of renunciation (delayed gratification) and atonement (clarity and correction).
Like the way a dear friend recently said, "Annette, the way you frame up why people do the things they do and how to liberate ourselves from unhealthy perspectives, really made me pause to think about how I respond to the world."
BAM!
She summed up what I'd been desperately seeking to define (validate, confirm, or explain): I teach the skills that support the freedom to respond to life: the skills and attitudes that cultivate spirituality (highest potential) and enlightenment (spark of awareness).
Believe me, I have demons about my smarts - lots of head space screaming and teaming with voices of "not enough". If you read these blogs it's apparent and in an effort to be as humanly transparent as possible with my students, I offer it as a bitter truth about life -- that "what" we worship inevitably brings suffering, and how noticing its relationship ushers bliss!
And, so, here with my friend who has trained intellectually in ways I could only imagine, something was so very different - no fear, no defense, and with nothing to prove we were simultaneously enlivened, enlightened, expansive. This experience had nothing to do with knowledge or something that I "want" or she "had" or that I needed to "prove", rather, it was a Spark of HeartMind, a mutual willingness, presence, and agreement -- to Be True.
We trusted each other and that relaxation - the relief from the constriction of comparison - revealed Philia, friendship, and loyalty to our personal response which inevitably served an impersonal intention.
Enemy or foe?
It's not hard to recognize what my friend was pointing toward: how unhealthy and unwholesome perspectives divide us, and how in the desire to make painful experiences seem less random, we try to control the actions of others or may even be blind to them as we judge them; or how we make our views templates of morality and virtue - forge weapons to defend them - and get lost within the structures of worship and manipulated scripture - within the ideational altars, castles, and caves of our convictions.
Without attention and awareness, these structures - social, political, religious, economic, and cultural - can really get in the way of our essence, friendship, and mutual growth; and, when there is desire without an agreement, battles ensue.
I think that's what really pressed my young girl to push back, like ...
"Who are you to tell me who I am and what I can and can't do?
Can't you see 'what' I am?
I AM!
'I AM! I AM that!' (Exodus 3:14)."
It's always been the way of this soul to find out about me through me - to be released from the demands and rebel against the commands of what others defined for me for the singular purpose of receiving my right to feel my life through my choices and free will.
This was and still is the only way I can bring a sense of duty and wisdom in the future.
For example, though my soul knew hot, this growing person gained knowledge of hot when I touched the stove, "AHHHHH!". It was important that I had first-hand knowledge to support the intention and behavior that would direct my response in the future: my power was in my response to the experience, "Ouch! That hurts!"
In the same breath, if the bridge was out ahead and my friend or neighbor told me, "Go another way," I'd heed the information as my own and share it with the next as reliable until it was no longer true.
This is "proper" - to o.w.n the experience - be one with now and Trust your Source.
What is real may not be reality.
It's a careful dance between the edge of knowing and the unknown and there's great discomfort as most want to know for sure. So, we go about coming into relationships with others making life real - it makes us feel safe like we're not alone. If I throw a punch or say a word or think a thought and there's a witness, it becomes real (even if that witness is a part of myself, that part will testify to the sensations and feelings that were born).
This witness, therefore, need not be outside "me", though it does help the idea of ME grow. No! First, it begins within - within the senses that declare,
"Yae! I see this life - I can feel it - I can touch it and taste it."
Like the senses that come together to declare this real experience, as long as you have someone with which to share your perspective, it will be real in the world. If you have a hundred people believing "X", it will be real to a hundred people. The problem arises when we get caught by the aggregate senses in the ego's domain - the part that wants to survive and reproduce. When we start trying to force others to see our reality or when the desire to expand our beliefs (to forcibly make ourselves bigger) overtakes the pleasure of enjoying the hundred who share our space, we become addicted to hope and are kept from faith.
That's why we need many senses and skills of awareness coming together - science and philosophy, spirituality and enlightenment - soul, self and ego - so we can discern and make choices that support Absolute Truth, that which is true backward and forward, above and below. However, when we use science, philosophy, and religion to further our perspective, personal agenda, and wealth - when desire and goal are not attuned to their highest power - when being "right" supersedes the intention to revere life - our shared Source is misrepresented and there is a high probability of being misinformed.
No thank you! I'm not investing my attention and time in the opinions of what someone thinks it means when "X" happens or how "Z" people are when they have never experienced "X" or met "Z"!
When the blind and ignorant lead the blind and ignorant, we devolve - become a hungry mob; we get lost, get angry, and even get even. We start looking into the past for traitors - call each other names like witches and whores, sinners and snakes, bigots and b**ches!
It's a distraction - a stick, thrown into the wind.
Still, there are these sublime moments that wake me up in ways that are disappointing, wonderful, and miraculous all at the same time - when I am possessed by an idea - when the memory of that belief stirs such chaos within. When I notice it within myself - in the many ways my mind still gets lost chasing the idea of intellectualism - I notice how it keeps me from intuition - a muscle doing pushups off of everything. And that's when I notice that I have a choice:
I can chase this idea or this thought "mind"lessly with my body (of evidence) or I can turn my attention toward the intention that threw it, allow mercy to receive me.
The Future of Justice is in Being "Just".
At our deepest root, we are Just Beings - that's why we get angry when met with injustice, why our voices rise to frequencies that cause discomfort. Justice demands that we stop chasing ideological sticks and that we attend to the fundamental structures of this Reality, the Absolute Truth that supports it, and to the free will to choose our response, bare the consequences and grow faithful and truthful spiritual muscles and attitudes.
The first premise is that justice applies to all individuals and phenomena, to all that appear - subject and object - proper and property.
In this way, Justice brings us home. "'Prop', coming from an attribute, quality or characteristic," meaning, "that which precedes that comes forward". As in "Proper" - this body comes forward from the home called Soul or "Property" - this land comes forward from the home called family and so on.
We are islands of wisdom erupting from beneath the sea - islands spear-headed by the trident of Poseidon [forged by the lawless Cyclopes (singular perspective) and intentioned by the Holy Trinity of all Perspective] - witnesses of our birth and a circle of Trust and Safety. This is Delphi and Delta - our home - our family of feelings, sensations, thoughts and of memories, dreams, and visions. The family arises from beneath by the desire to expand beyond, without attachment.
In Greek, this "Oikos" (Ecos or home) is that first spark ... a family of Inner Self and outer body that ignite the Universal Laws, the Cosmic Laws of Man and order, and the Divine Laws of Spirit, of the "One turned in that combines to make whole".
These Cosmic and Social Laws are the Rules of Engagement predicated on a Fundamental Divine Law, the Spiritual Agreement: "Thou shalt not steal" - my spouse, my attention, my truth, my stuff, my idea, my desire, my opportunities, my respect, my religion, my choice, my potential, my life. Because to do so is to steal from oneself and to steal from oneself brings about disorder and discontent.
So, the first rule of justice is don't steal the stuff of my Reality - the thought objects, emotional energy, feelings, and choices and consequences that come together to support my family. To do so is to disrupt the mechanism that pushes from beneath, and rises in resilience and wisdom from the consequences of our choices; that means something must happen first before we can actuate any change upon it.
Here we are again, subject and object. As such, for justice to be activated, something or someone must exist (from Latin exsistere, meaning "to step out, stand forth, emerge, appear"), out here in this plane or very near - it must have happened or is inevitably going to happen.
Even an idea is subject to the law because by its very nature if it's spoken or shared, it has been born. The way the ego cries, "Ko Hum, Ko Hum (who am I?) when it is born into the light of the outer world, predicated on the response, "So Hum (I Am)." Therefore to effect any change, we begin with attending to the living material already in existence because it is the way we treat the living that meets us in the future and which determines how we will respond to life and, it is the way we treat the living that reflects the state of harmony within own Internal Family which is intended to deliver a just and merciful (eternal) life.
This tells us, backwards and forwards, that if we want a future world to value life, we must first start valuing the life in front of us, not with the idea of life.
Sources Worthy of Trust are Open to Challenge.
No doubt, lasting permission comes from spiritual attunement, of that which is holy and from multiple sources and perspectives - ethos, pathos, logos - sat, chit, ananda - mind, body, spirit.
Religion is the socio-cultural organization of Spiritual Knowledge and Perennial Wisdom that brings a sense of love, belonging, and direction to life. As any seed grows, it makes home an organization of systems that come together to support the practice that connects us with intuition and inner space; it's a skill and ability. However, when those systems favor one organ over the other, others get stressed or we disconnect from the ability to be with a life wholly and lose sight of our humility.
Religion is our spiritual home, however, if you only welcome or live within those who believe what you believe, it will appear full but will feel empty.
If your source is exclusively religious, you may behave in ways that prove how what you believe is right - looking for moments when you can prove someone wrong, or give them what they need, or tell them what they should or shouldn't do - while behaving in ways that are not "righteous," like dis-including others, or using doctrine and scripture to judge and separate and rationalize because certainty is hungry -- sticks are thrown into the wind. When these organisms get too stressed, they form systems that circumvent intuition - demand your soul and intellectual worship: they gain your trust, disallow all challenges and allow unloving and conditional biases to shape values and goals while trying to strong-arm the behavior and virtue of others.
Science is the physical study of the organization of all life that comes together to offer us a sense of agency (through understanding) and shared (biological) experience. As any idea grows, it comes into connection with other knowledge, and theories are born; it's an ability to take what we know and makes leaps of prediction.
Science is the home of our knowledge (in Latin, "Scientia"), however, if you build walls around your ideas and theories, it will appear as an open house however its doors are locked.
If your source is exclusively scientific, you may be detached from pushing the boundaries beyond what you already know, while forging walls around the nation/notion of what you want to prove. These shadow figures manipulate research to support theory. Most are independently encapsulated, however when they attract others to believe their theories, the Truth is distorted and even contorted. Conspiracy theorists have one agenda - to aggrandize, using fear to divide in order to enhance their personal reputation and wealth.
Politics is concerned with the activities of government - how we live together. The seat of the government is concerned with making and upholding laws, policies, and amendments that bring "civil/courteous" agreement to the needs of the "many" (in Greek, "Poli"). The purveyors of Social order, their power of persuasion lay in their ethics, reasoning, and experience.
Politics is the home of loyalty, however, if you lie to fill your house, it will appear full but will be empty.
If your source is exclusively political, you may be lost in persuading others to trust you while actioning alliances that are untrustworthy, those which do not have the interests of all at hand. Propaganda (the agenda that steps beyond Absolute Truth) becomes a way of life. That's when you spill back into the Realm of the Self Righteous - when you behave unethically and point the finger at others or try to prove others wrong - run slanderous campaigns and make up lies because all you want to do is win -- sticks are thrown into the wind.
Ultimately, if you haven't had the experience, or if your reason no longer makes sense, or if only a few benefit, then it is imperative that you ask: What is the goal of this desire to choose for others?
Desire must be attuned to intention and the goal must be faithful to the desire to Be True.
What information do I need to seek on my own and what Sources will I consult?
Wisdom is activated through intuition, not through ideas or convictions or any other structures of the mind. Intuition is a skill, not a tool.
Are they trustworthy? What is their true agenda?
The Universal Agenda of Love is to protect the rights of the Proper - the body of desire, the agreement of intention, the loyalty to the family of senses, the harmony of the home, the safety of property, and the clarity of the intention to serve the whole family, not just one member ... in that order and in simultaneous, inclusive confluence.
What I learned about my mom dying is that I had no clue what it felt like to watch her fall away until I experienced it - not just her death, but everything that preceded death. My experience was up close and personal, but it looked different to each person that loved her. Some had ideas about what was happening or what should be different, others were paralyzed by fearful thoughts of their own inevitable death - and still, others found reasons why her death was an injustice - lacked mercy. And all those perspectives were true reflections - reflections of the many voices claiming witness, the many parts within - arriving as an angry mob rising and misinforming - and in the light of grace, now forgiving, coming into agreement, seeking peace and harmony.
Together we offered a multiplicity of perspectives and became informed witnesses not to what was happening outside ourselves, but to what was happening within.
And, like touching a stove, we can't testify to that which we have not witnessed, and like a bridge, we can effortlessly expand trust through a heart that has no 'cause' to prove.
We cannot judge it with our minds, because that would be bearing false witness.
All we can do is hold it with a trident forged by wisdom and justice, and have faith in meeting Absolute Truth when it's our turn.