it’s hard. it hurts. it’s resistant. i sink. i swallow water. and, sometimes it feels like i am drowning. but, i can deal with that. i know i can swim. i remember who i really am. ~ walking on water
when i was four my dad taught me how to swim. here’s the thing of it: he came from the mountains of greece and didn’t know how to swim … at least, not with skill and clarity!
now i wasn’t aware of this information as i entered the cold atlantic that hot august day in 1969, but i sure remember how that water woke me up – how it puckered my skin. and i recall how my father distracted me from the welling hesitation as he lead me deeper into the ocean, backing away slowly – how my little legs (now, unable to stand after He let go of my hand) scrambled for ground … how my hands frantically flailed up and out of the water just to fall and push against it again – going nowhere – trying so desperately to land safely — to touch the shore called father.
indeed! the more i struggled, the more he moved.
as you can imagine, i was filled with anxiety. and, as i gulped yet another mouthful of salt water, i heard the words, “you’re not going to make it!” i looked around and saw no one but it sure sounded real. still, through the splashing and thrashing, my attention was drawn to a deeper Source – that of my father who was now guiding my strokes into his arms like a plane onto a landing strip … “you can do it!”
and so i did!
i let go of the idea of drowning – of all i thought i was – and pushed through the fearful voice to reach Him; it was a swift, simultaneous thrust that brought much warm illumination into my chilled young heart:
i trusted something that i did not yet know and it carried me.
this memory was a profound treasure tucked away until i read this verse in a course in miracles – “i loose the world from all i thought i was” – which re-awakened this image in response to some current fear and anxiety about the success of some new destination rising in my work.
and through faith, i could see clearly that ‘what’ i had believed in fear, was exactly ‘what’ kept me from truth.
it was a tender reminder to trust myself – to have faith! … that if i failed, which was completely possible and understandable, i would be caught by the intention of this heart and held by the attention of this mind — and that there was a reliable force beyond the voice of doubt – before the thought … a giving presence that loved and supported me.
how do we trust?
how many of us believe that we have no one to trust? how many feel alone – lonely … like we’re going nowhere — treading water?
well, this just isn’t so!
though we may not have these sweet memories to bring us home, we don’t need them or some figure to show us the way; when we turn toward Self, we find a place that we trust – a place imagined in the heart … faith.
but here’s the gig: we can’t vest in blind faith, nor in the thoughts and beliefs created in fear that separate us – they are unworthy of our trust. so, then how do we trust? …what do we give to receive such a gift?
we give response and we account with action.
we captain our ships – support our families, pay attention to our expenses, be present with our words, honor the intention of our agreements. when we take care of our shit, we account for our strokes! … this is ‘what’ brings the arm forward, pulses the foot! this is ‘what’ we can trust and ‘how’ faith is cultivated – in the intention of mutual responsibility!
so, my brothers and my sisters, do not fear! the next time you find yourself flying through the air or swimming through the ocean of your being, let go of who you think you are and trust that you will be caught … that you will reach the shore called ‘father’.
need some trust? i’m here to catch you! learn the skills of mindfulness and access a deeper knowing NOW!