“again I’m within myself. i walked away, but here i come sailing back, feet in the air, upside-down, as a saint when he opens his eyes from prayer: now. the room, the tablecloth, familiar faces… listen, if you can stand to. union with the friend means not being who you’ve been, being instead silence: a place: a view where language is inside seeing”. ~ rumi
how much more must i write?
there’s nothing – nothing coming
where shall i search for them and where will i find them?
… under a rock, in a bush or within the ocean’s breath?
under my pride, in my mind’s eye or, perhaps, within the toe of my left shoe?
these words! where have they gone?
they fail me. they defeat me. they betray me. they disembody me. they flay me – peel me open and reveal me
exposed by the confessional of this screen.
what do they want from me? what do they hold for me?
are they even real?
i am pulled close and then pushed away
a current of emotion ushering me towards the yawning gap.
while a part of me wants to hold them
to carry them far and wide as if they have something to say
to meet the earth, to be absorbed
to be whispered in the ear of my awakened soul.
are these words even erupting properly on the screen?
or will i find with eyes wide shut
that all is jumbled together – knots tied tight
a dead end without a bottom.
every letter and every sound infinitely uttered,
no! what i am is not “contained between my hat and boots”.
what i am is more than any word can point to
more than any sound can confirm.
better to cut my losses and move ahead.
these words no longer i am!