catching redfish

my dear, beloved brother-in-law died today.

 

life is happening.  i pull away.
and, with each person that i loose, i come closer to my death.
my mind and body work together to shield my heart – to stave the inevitable away.
my gut pulls in and my breath constricts,
and, i am choked by my own thoughts
… suffocated by this fear.

 

i notice this –
how this default keeps me from the fullness of this experience
and, how, with just one breath, i awaken to the capacity of this heart:

 

to the beauty of the inevitable – to the release of this body
to the rebirth into pure consciousness
… the return to oneness.

 

from this view, there is no doubt that this is the way.

 

i recall the look in my nephew’s eyes, and see the man that searches for why
the young boy who opens effortlessly to compassion,
the gentle orb of love and pain and goodness.
and still, there is a longing – a clinging – an unwillingness to believe
to release the belly
to let go of the story of the wound
to cry
to embrace his father – in flesh and spirit
for the very last time.

 

and, so, the dawn has come
to take me from the lie that plays inside my head

of all that i thought and all that was said.

 

his words and wit no longer witnessed
his body no longer taking up space the same way.

no longer separate, leaning in
a horizon blurring within the skyline of ocean’s breath
he returns to our mother and father – transformed by his death.

 

i sit in wonder as it all unfolds,
quiet
watching and inhaling memories
joyful for having known him
alive from his courage
grieving to have lost him
a father, son, brother, husband and friend
celebrating the man he was
and the breath of all that is always forever
and ever and ever.

 

this loving, simple man who awoke a passion in my son while
catching redfish
casting and sharing all that he was

leaving ripples to remind us of all we still are.

6 Comments

  1. Kathy and Jim Vaughn on November 27, 2017 at 11:00

    I lay awake thinking of my precious brother Clyde. Thank you, this is beautiful. I know how all of us are grieving but knowing he is without pain. He put up a great fight. He left a special piece of himself in so many hearts forever. JIm and I will cherish so many memories.

    • Annette Diamantopoulos on November 29, 2017 at 11:00

      … he was so very precious, kathy .. with time we will be able to shift how we knew him and how we experienced him and feel him forever in our hearts.

  2. Elizabeth B. Scupham on November 28, 2017 at 11:00

    A lovely and loving tribute. Our hearts break and heal by breaking. My brother was one of his best friends.

    • Annette Diamantopoulos on November 29, 2017 at 11:00

      what a gift to have had his friendship, elizabeth and what joy to know that this heart can break over and over and still it grows stronger.

  3. Loren Gould on December 9, 2017 at 11:00

    Hi my dear Annette, it was two weeks yesterday when the moon was t its fullest, a beautiful gift that I will always remember every month, to rember a man 62 years worth,of giving. The silver cord was removed, and the golden bowl was crushed, and the jar at the spring was broken, and the waterwheel for the cistern was crushed. Then the dust returned to the earth. But the memory of him is not forgotten to the most important ones, here on earth and celestial. One of his many goals in his life, to make anyone smile. If he saw a complete stranger sad, they were no longer strangers after a few moments. He loved life like no one I had ever known. With every breath, his mission was love. How grateful I am to be loved by such a human being. Thank you a beautiful tribute to my dear Clyde.
    Love you
    Loren

    • Annette Diamantopoulos on December 9, 2017 at 11:00

      loren, the moon will be full again, our breath will follow and we will feel our feet on the earth, reminded that we are held in the vibration of all he was and all he left. as it has been said, “we are remembered not by what we do for ourselves, but what we do for others,” in this way, we know that his mission has been received and that his love is connected to the infinite. i, too, am grateful … for him – all he was and all he did – and for the part of him – you and the boys and their beautiful partners – that still remain. peace and love to you all loren!

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