my dear, beloved brother-in-law died today.
life is happening. i pull away.
and, with each person that i loose, i come closer to my death.
my mind and body work together to shield my heart – to stave the inevitable away.
my gut pulls in and my breath constricts,
and, i am choked by my own thoughts
… suffocated by this fear.
i notice this –
how this default keeps me from the fullness of this experience
and, how, with just one breath, i awaken to the capacity of this heart:
to the beauty of the inevitable – to the release of this body
to the rebirth into pure consciousness
… the return to oneness.
from this view, there is no doubt that this is the way.
i recall the look in my nephew’s eyes, and see the man that searches for why
the young boy who opens effortlessly to compassion,
the gentle orb of love and pain and goodness.
and still, there is a longing – a clinging – an unwillingness to believe
to release the belly
to let go of the story of the wound
to embrace his father – in flesh and spirit
for the very last time.
and, so, the dawn has come
to take me from the lie that plays inside my head
of all that i thought and all that was said.
his words and wit no longer witnessed
his body no longer taking up space the same way.
no longer separate, leaning in
a horizon blurring within the skyline of ocean’s breath
he returns to our mother and father – transformed by his death.
i sit in wonder as it all unfolds,
watching and inhaling memories
joyful for having known him
alive from his courage
grieving to have lost him
a father, son, brother, husband and friend
celebrating the man he was
and the breath of all that is always forever
and ever and ever.
this loving, simple man who awoke a passion in my son while
casting and sharing all that he was
leaving ripples to remind us of all we still are.